forever is a long time

I have been struggling a lot recently with my own emotions (wow imagine that) and it's really been hitting me hard lately. Wrapping my head around a new life is something I'm still not used to. How do you just get used to living life without your best friend? I've never really considered myself a planner, if you knew me and saw my desk you'd say the same thing...my life is literally held together with sticky notes. But I had a plan for my life, and Tanner was a huge part of it. He was supposed to be next to me every step of the way...now it's all changed. My whole life changed in a second and I have forever to try and figure it out again. It isn't something that you just get used to, it takes time and sometimes it feels like time could literally go on forever...great. I have all of this time to face a reality that I still have not accepted as truth. I have all of this time to make a future I don't want to see. I have all of this time to miss him.

That's the biggest part for me, I have the rest of forever to miss him. Does it ever get easier? We're creeping up on a year and there is something in everyday that reminds me of him. This semester is full of memories, all January we would facetime almost every night because we missed each other, I drove to Watertown to see him in February. March, we got to spend our first and last Spring Break together raising so much hell our parents were ready to kick us out, he went to watch me shoot, I had his arms wrap around my head so tight I couldn't breathe...for the last time. And to top of my semester from hell, 3 weeks after the worst day of my life, it's our birthday.

So....does it get easier...will it ever get easier? Right now, I'm not so convinced if we're being honest. Forever is a long frickin time to hurt this much. What's going to get me through it? I have friends, I have great friends that continually support me everyday more than I thought they could. My family is a huge support, but sometimes its hard to talk about because they hurt too. But my constant is God and my help can be found in 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 (I'm not gonna write it out, pick up a Bible, God is pretty cool kids.) Bascially...I'm going to be hurting forever but there is not a single second that God will every abandon me. How amazing is that? God never leaves you, even in your struggles and even if those struggles are forever...He is always with you.