"Remember the good things, I love you." A simple, and quite demand written on a sticky note from one of my roommates tucked away in my Bible. (In case you guys haven't caught on to this yet, sticky notes or just any notes written to me in general are the key to my heart...I keep every single one of them) Anyways, I think about this a lot...like a lot a lot, such a simple idea that everyone just over looks in their every day lives because it's hard, but maybe life was never meant to be easy.
Man, can I preach on that idea...life is hard. Life. Is. Frickin. Hard. Grief...wow what a shitty emotion to live with everyday. And that is putting it lightly. There is no way to really put into words what the grief monster has to offer you because it's different for everyone. Everyone gets hit differently. Some people get stressed or make themselves busy, some people shut down, get short tempered, struggle with anxiety, depression...it's all here and it is all so real. And it's stuff no one ever wants to talk about. I find it easy to talk about it here because I'm not looking anyone directly in the eyes and announcing, "hey what's up I'm Hannah and my monster is kinda being a bitch today."
I've come to the conclusion that we all have our own monsters. Someone is always dealing with something (mental health, family drama, money problems), now I know that sounds cliche but just listen for a second. We all have our own battles, we all struggle, we all need help. Some people talk to their family, some people talk to counselors, some people keep it in (don't recommend), and some people talk to God. But in the mess of it all, get in the habit of stepping back to remember the good things. Easier said than done, trust me, I know, but it may change your outlook.
When I look at my struggle I here a tiny voice in the back of my head, "You're struggling right now because you loved." Ouch, okay, way to hit me upside the head with that one God...I loved my brother. I love my brother. And with such a great love, comes a huge set back when it isn't there anymore. (yes I still love my brother but it's different okay) I have bad days because I love him...what's wrong with that? But, back to this whole "remember the good things" note...that is what keeps me going sometimes. On the really hard days, I take a step back and remember the times we used to play catch out in the front yard, the first time we played video games together, the time dad slammed our heads together because we were fighting, or the countless times he would just come lay in my bed to talk. These are the good things and this is why it hurts so much. I hurt because I love. And honestly...that's okay. If I loved so hard that I have to have a bad day (or a lot of bad days) every once in awhile that's okay.
A bible verse I accidentally found one day was Philippians 1:3, "I thank my God every time I think of you." So yes love hurts. But love also heals. It takes longer and it hurts first...but love also heals. Because God heals, and God is love. Every second I had with my brother was so important to me and I'll cherish it forever. I thank God for the time I did have with him and I'll be waiting for the time we meet again. Until then, I'll be struggling through my days with love, remembering the good things...even if it hurts sometimes. A real good friend of mine just sent me a verse and I think it's probably the best one for this, "For I am the LORD your God who takes hold or your right hands and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." (Isaiah 41:13). Struggling and hurting doesn't mean helpless and lost when you got a God like mine.
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